My mum! My muse!
So last week, I started a series called “my mum, my muse“. Here’s is a continuation. Note, this story is just fiction and just for fun. All the names and characters are fictional. Before somebody will be chasing me with a lawsuit. Oya let’s delve right in
It has been weeks after the whole saga took place in the church, the rapid way my mother moved from calling her pastor Daddy to Rotimi was alarming, it was faster than Usain Bolt.
He called her to apologize for the disappointment, but I trust my mother, she told him he needs to go to the mountain and have a seven days dry fasting so God will uproot his implanted sins
“It is only God that can save you now, you destroyed my eyes and I had to wash it with my holy water, you are a disgrace to God” she hung up.
Immediately after the call, she called my brother to show her how to block his number, she blocked his number and also did the same 0n all her social media platforms.
We all knew she will not stop there, she called everyone and started shedding tears, ” please you all should forgive me, you see ehen, this is exactly what God said when he wrote there will be wolf in sheep’s clothing, that man is the wolf, in fact, he is the lion himself”
I softly said he is Idaboski bahose,
She said, “ehen”?
I replied nothing, “don’t worry mummy, God has exposed him so stop crying”
“if you want me to stop crying go and buy me wine, I will stop”
My father told her to wait, that the wine that will heal her will ascend with God in his right hand when he is coming, a very holy wine, we laughed and left her
One day, I and my brother was seeing MTV base when Bop daddy came up, we both stood up and started dancing.
My mother heard the song from her room and ran to the parlor as if someone was chasing her with a bottle of her holy water,
“what happened? What is the problem?” I inquired
“You are the problem, how can you be playing such an ungodly song, it was revealed to me by God that the meaning of Bop Daddy is “Believers ongoing perishments” and the daddy is the daddies of the faith.”
I was stunned, my brother shouted Lamba
“Lamba ko Lamborghini ni, I am very serious o, that is why my former daddy has perished”.
We burst into laughter as she called him “Former”
My brother asked her if she has given him a red card or divorce because the position for daddy is for life. She was upset and playfully chased him away
“My daddy is Mr. Solomon and he is dead for your information”
She picked up the holy water and started sanitizing us from “believers’ ongoing perishments.” She literally poured it inside our ears, this woman is just something else, she can be extreme when it comes to her faith
Three days later, my mother came out dancing and singing, we were wondering the essence of her happiness, you see this woman, if she is happy everybody in the house must be happy and if she is sad every single soul in the house must be sad, she does it with ease.
She asked us to join her in celebrating what God is about to do in her life. We were all curious so I asked her to gist us. “Why are you celebrating?”
Then she said my millions is coming by month-end.
she looked at my father who was just sitting quietly and said “don’t worry I will change that wheelbarrow you call a car,”
“Is it my car you are calling wheelbarrow?”
She laughed sarcastically, “car ke, that one that wants to suffocate me with smoke, I don’t even know how I survived but don’t worry, I will buy you Lamborghini or you want Jeep ?” she replied.
My father thanks her and exited the room.
she answered, “you are welcome.”
“In this life, people don’t want to hear the truth and God has already told us the truth shall set us free, I am telling him the truth, he is living in bondage, he is angry, don’t worry when my money comes I will also change all those your big! big! trousers,”
“I will change my wardrobe and also buy myself a car, I will buy myself, Rolls Royce.” She continued
“What kind of business will give you all this type of money by month-end?” I asked
“My beautiful daughter it is God o, he pays those that diligently serve him, I am not like you people that just use your phone to chat and do mumu video calls that will yield nothing, not even a white husband, even if he is black with one leg or half-past eye we will manage. ”
“Anyway, I bumped into a childhood friend yesterday when I went to the market, she was just shining and she told me her car is with the mechanic. Ah, as a sharp woman that I am, I asked her to introduce me to her line of business so that I can be shining too, then she said the answer is an online business, if you put in money, they will just be giving you short movies every day to watch and your account will the credited. By month-end, you will have triple the amount you put in.”
“I was surprised. just like that. I did not believe her until this morning she sent me the alert she received from them. I told her I was interested, she told me to goggle their site and I did, I was so impressed with people’s ratings and comments, so I used the capital for my business plus all my profits from last month”
“At this point, I was stunned, I did not even know what to tell her so I just told her may God help her.” I entered the room and googled the site too. So I invested my money plus my brother’s allowance.
Patiently waiting for the proceeds
The day for cashing out arrived. It is finally month end, you need to see how I was holding on to my phone, any slightest sound I will quickly run to check my phone, I and my mum was just so focus on our phone patiently waiting for alert, we waited the whole day even or network service provider did not send us message.
That was when I knew we had been scammed.
I silently accepted my faith but for mom, daughter of Solomon, it was a different case.
She called her friend to complain about her situation to her and she told her they were in the same boat.
“You better fix the boat, else Lagos will be too hot for both of us.” my mom responded angrily and ended the call.
She carried her holy water and bible and started firing prayer, she rolled from one end of the parlor to the other end, she started speaking in tongues.
My father was having a swell time, he came to her and asked her for his “Lamborghini and trousers”
“You will not enter my wheelbarrow because I don’t want to suffocate you so get ready to trek cause that will be your new business, don’t worry it will make you athletic,”
“God is ascending with his Lamborghini so wait.”
For weeks my mother fasted and prayed. On the 20th day, she was so weak and feeble. Nobody told her, she entered the kitchen, turn food, and ate.
She later apologized to her husband who forgave her and loaned her some money with interest.
Aunty Rose’s Party
Two months later, Aunty rose threw a big birthday party here in Lagos, it was the talk of the town.
Prior to the birthday party, my mother and her mother had visited and begged her to give another man a chance and if it does not work then they will accept her for who she is, she refused initially, then my mother started, “young woman the kingdom of God suffereth violence and violence taketh it by force, kilode? What kind of rubbish is all this? No matter how tall an okro tree is, it can’t be taller than the owner. Kini gbogbo rubbish?”
“We carried you in our womb for nine months and we nurtured you.”
I was wondering since when two women started carrying one pregnancy but my mum can say and do anything to have her way.
“Omo mi, we want the best for you, I know it is not easy but just try for the sake of your mother, her mother said.”
She was so frustrated that she just nodded her head so they can give her space, my mum was very happy and she promised to find her a good man.
On her birthday party, everybody was just gisting and celebrating, my mum called aunty rose and introduce her to a man, I have not seen him in my life, where did this woman see this man tori Olorun. She bluntly told the man that she is a lesbian point blank and he should do everything within his power to change it.
My cousin was so embarrassed but she was already used to my mum, she smiled and they started talking instead of her to give them privacy to get to know each other she stood there like a bodyguard
I had to go and drag her out of the place.
We started dancing
Then Falz came on stage and started performing, my mother was just dancing and raining him with praises.
I went to Falz, introduce myself, and ask him to meet my mum that she is a big fan, he agreed and came with me. Immediately she saw me with him, she ran and push me and started smiling and talking to him, raining him with different kinds of prayers.
I interrupted quickly and reminded her that he was the one that sang Bop Daddy, the exact one that God showed to her as “believers ongoing perishments”
Falz was confused, he said what? My mum sharply denied it and told him she has mental problem and always hallucinating, “My dear I love that your song Bop daddy, I am sure the inspiration for that song is directly from God, it is so nice ”
before I know mumsy don climb stage with Falz dey dance Bop daddy. I don give up, let me just go and find somewhere to sit down and accept my faith.
I will be back next week. Until then, do forget to share this post.