My Mum! My Muse! Part 3

My Mum! My Muse! Part 3

Before we delve into today’s episode, be sure to read the first two episodes; Episode 1 and Episode 2

It’s been three days after aunty rose party where mumsy met Falz and showcased her dance moves but I and my brother have been the ones suffering it. She asked us to download his albums then she will connect it to the home theater system and she will dance and dance not minding if she is embarrassing us in the presence of our friends.

As if dancing was not enough she decided to take us way back where she and her friends rocked the clubs in town.

According to her my father saw her dancing and he could not get his eyes off her so he started chasing her around like a lost puppy, her words not mine.

Two weeks later, something incredible happened my mother reconnected with her three friends, Mary, Glory, and Esther at a shopping mall.

The same friends she told us used to scatter the town with her.

My mother can show for Africa.

She purchased expensive wines, changed the curtains in the house, pimped the entire house just because she invited her friends.

My father was not even [perturbed because the money was not coming from him so he was really having a swell time.

She went to the market and prepared correct efo riro and semovita, this efo is not the usual one, every single thing was inside, prawns, fish, pomo, shaki, meat, etc and the most exciting aspect of it is that she cooked. My mom only cooks on Christmas and New year day, the rest of the year was all on me.

The arrival of the friends

The D-Day came and her friends came over to the house, you need to see them hugging and screaming, for the first time my mother proudly introduced I and my brother to friends without any insult.

Her friends began to shower us with praises but she was the one blushing. When my father came in to greet them, my mother called him “darling” I was struck with confusion, my father smiled and they exchanged pleasantries when I knew my mother has finally lost it was when she pecked my father on his forehead when he was heading to his room, that was the icebreaker, my brother said ” please I am looking for my mother, this is not my mother” you need to see the stylish devilish look she gave him smiling, we jejely excused them.

They drank, ate and danced, you know all these old school moves, my mother really gave them a treat and was really excited.

Trust me if I had my way I will be inviting her friends every day so she can act this way, a very submissive wife and caring mother, those attributes use to be the opposite of my mother.

Days passed and my mom was always cruising around with her friends. Felt like they trying to catch up for the several years of not seeing each other.

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My mum returned one day visibly angry and talking to herself,

“ha! this is how madness use to start o” I told her and she replied

“baba e” (Your father)

I smiled and asked her why she is boiling in anger?

Then she answered, ” Ife can you imagine!?” No imagine. Ha! In this Lagos rara! Ko da”

I interrupted ” what am I imagining, talk to me”

“Can you imagine that someone came to her shop and returned a blouse of 200,000 thousand after it was boldly written in the front of the shop; non refundable”

I was confused I asked, ” whose shop?”

She replied “Mary’s shop and I will show her, I will deal with that woman,  emi Iya Ife, we will show her how it is done in lagos”.

Maami you are taking this matter too far, this is not your shop, it is definitely not your business better thread with caution”

She flared up and said she won’t stand for injustice, it is corruption and anything that is done to one of them is done to all of them and she won’t tolerate such insult because it is an insult to her person.

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The matter weak me because when she has entered this phase she won’t listen to anything you are saying until she has done what is on her mind so I kukuma leave her before I will talk and she will transfer the aggression on me with gbas gbos.

The next day, around seven in the evening my mum was not back from the shop and my father was not back, it was unusual.

My mum comes back by four in the evening every day and my dad comes home by five-thirty latest six in the evening, so I was a bit worried so I tried their numbers but it was not going through.

By nine I saw my mum walking in all bruised with my father assisting her, I was burning with curiosity but I quickly helped her, prepared a hot bath for them, gave them food but my mother could not eat while my father was eating with so much amusement.

The next day, I could not contain my questions, I asked mummy what happened? Daddy who did this to her? My father laughed sarcastically then he said ” you see this woman you call your mother she won’t kill me before my time, Lai!Lai! She is sitting here, let her narrate her ordeal to you”.

Tears rushed down from her eyes” ha! Ife I thought I was going to die yesterday but the God I serve said it was not my time” she broke into tears,

“This one serious o. What really happened?”

“My dear, I told you what happened to Mary na, that ole buruku woman, it will never be well with them, if I ever set my eyes on her and her friends I will set them ablaze”

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“Calm down what did they do? ”

“It is my goodness that put me in trouble omo mi, I was in the shop when those women I called my friends came to me, they said the woman is around, the woman that returned clothes to Mary’s shop so let us go and deal with her,  so I carried myself there oo, carrying the matter on top my head.

When we got there, I banged at her car and shouted come down you misfortune woman, come down, immediately she came down I jacked her clothes and said we will teach you a lesson today, since you think you can use your chicken change to oppress someone, today you have met your match, she was saying leave me alone let me explain, I did not allow her o, then I gave her a dirty slap before I knew it I saw two military ladies in front of me by the time I turned back, those ladies even Mary has jappa.  I did not still calm down o, I was still claiming right and before I know it, I received one mighty slap in my left ear, (I burst into laughter, I told her sorry, then she continued).

Do you know who she is, she is the wife of Lieutenant General Sambo, go down on your knees, one of the military man command, I did not still calm down, I then knelt down and started ranting, how can you return that material, knowing fully well that you can’t refund it, that is evil, you will go to hell o, I can see it, my dear the next thing is a slap by the other military lady in the other ear, I was deaf for ten seconds, then she told me that the material she bought was fake and this is the third time it was happening, that she has been duped three times from Mary over 500,000 naira, she showed me the picture of the material on her phone so she had no option than to return it. mogbe!

My daughter, I felt like urinating, these ladies asked me to frog jump, after frog jumping I started begging but for where, luckily, your father appeared, I called him but could you believe he denied me, he went to pack at the front watching and recording me, they asked me to find fish inside the gutter, I entered it looking for fish, chai,

I suffered, one of them even hit me with koboko, I did not know what your father told them, the woman started laughing then gave him her number, they eventually released me, chai! I was humiliated”

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I burst into laughter then I said” sorry but I warned you defender of the unjust, Superwoman the first! princess Diana, you finally met your match, tomorrow go and fight again” she threw the remote at me, which hit my forehead. I left angrily

Later that evening, I boiled hot water to massage her injuries, to me it was pay back time and trust me I utilize this opportunity very well, she was screaming and pinching me to stop, I endured the pain and continued massaging her, she threatened to swear for me that was when I calm down and pet her.

After her massage, one of her friends called to apologise, the next thing I heard was ” my God will punish you, he will give you frog jump, emi Iya Ife, Ha! If I see any of you in my shop or anywhere around me, I will make you and your generation sorry, because of you I received hot slap from Army not police o, my God will slap and knock all of you, he will desert you as you left me in the hands of pharoah”

I wanted to laugh and die, I just jejely left the place to my room so I could laugh to my satisfaction before she threw the remote at me again.

Note: This is just for fun, hence the use of language.



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