Title: The Power Of Compromise!!
I have not seen Richard this angry. The vein on his forehead is literally bulging out of its space, he is screaming and scattering the house. His friend, Samson, is trying to calm him down but he isn’t doing a good job with that as my presence alone is instigating the anger, but I care less.
My name is Tricia Ayobamiji and I am married to Richard Ayobamiji. YES, the one who wants to bring down our house because he’s had enough of me and I have literally pushed him to the wall – according to him, but trust me, I am a simple babe.
Regardless, I’m going to give it back to him hot! hot! because I won’t stand and watch him shout and disgrace me right before his friend, oh not today! Hence, the argument and exchange of words continued, thank God Ire, our daughter, is at her granny’s (her father’s mother). Nobody should be deceived, marriage is more complicated than mathematics, physics and chemistry combined, especially when you are dealing with a nut crack head like my husband.
His friend Samson managed to pacify him with just a simple sentence, “Guy you know sey everything now na woman right, better calm down before they turn you to woman abuser”.
He was forced to take a chill pill then he said, “what of men’s right? This woman called my wife has abused me on diverse occasions. na until I die?”.
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I laughed. “Egbami o! How is it possible for me – innocent me – to abuse a full-grown, huge man like you?! See ehn, marriage is not a do or die affair. If you are tired, just tell me, so we can go our separate ways, kilode?!”
Then his friend said, “Ah ah! Mummy Iré! It has not gotten to that, please calm down. I recommend that you both see a therapist”.
Richard bluntly refused; he calls them shrink, and he made it clear he was not going to heed advice or fall into the manipulation of any shrink that covers their own marital problems with the title called “Therapist”, neither do I.
Samson continued, “you don’t want to get advice from a trained specialist on this case but you will take the advice of a friend who knows nothing about relationship, talk more of solving it? That is why we have so many failed and gum-gum marriages, better think of Ire because she will bear the brunt of all this.”
I thought about it and asked myself why is it that most of us don’t go to the appropriate place when we have issues, instead we go to our friends or pastors that are filled to the brim with their own issues? The mention of Ire made me have a rethink because I won’t allow my Ire suffer because of this crazy man who is also her father.
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Over the coming weeks, Samson persuaded Richard and he agreed to see the therapist just to fulfill all righteousness.
I tried to make him sleep in the living room like you’d see in those American movies but trust me when I say it did not work – it didn’t, instead, we fought and slept in the same bed, hitting our legs, kicking ourselves and wrestling with the pillows. I tell you, Richard is a stubborn creature.
A VISIT TO THE THERAPIST
The next day, we went to see the therapist, Lydia Brian was boldly written on the lapel on her neatly ironed jacket. Damn! This woman is so fine; tall, nice dentition, hips like Kim Kardashian, melanin popping skin, and I can assure you that her wig is real Brazilian hair. I was struck by the aura of power around her. I was so engrossed in her beauty that I did not hear her inquire for my name until Richard stepped on me.
“Kilode! What is it?! Why are you stepping on me?” I asked
“The doctor is asking for your name!”
“So is that why you stepped on me, you want to disfigure my toes? Sorry doctor, my name is Tricia Ayobamiji”.
Then she said, “Welcome. Before we proceed, I want to make it crystal clear that we are not here to play the blame game. We are here to bring possible solutions to resolve the conflict before it escalates and I have just two simple ground rules. One, nobody interrupts anyone while talking and lastly, I need the truth. Be rest assured nothing you say will leave these four walls. Do we agree?” We nodded affirmatively.
“Good, let us start…”
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Unfortunately, we did not get along in the first and second sessions, so she changed tactics. She asked Richard to leave the office.
“I am trying to make this relationship work but I can’t help but to loose it when Richard starts talking,” I said after he left.
“He is so boring, my God! When we were dating he was fun, with so much energy and great vibes. We always wrestled, go out and make out in awkward places, we even made out in our gate man’s house when he traveled, those were the good days but now, all he cares about is money and boring sex, Missionary! Missionary! Every time.”
I was exhausted after the first session and finally agreed to have the next session with Richard in other to speed up the process so I could go home and rest.
“Mr. Richard, what are your grievances?” Lydia asked. After he joined us.
“Thank you, madam, my wife is extremely stubborn, she has cultivated the habit of clubbing. Every Friday after she drops our daughter in my mother’s place, the next thing is party, from Friday to Sunday…”
I interrupted “Ha! You bloody liar..”
“Madam please no interruption. Please continue” Lydia said.
I was burning with furious anger, I wanted to go Mike Tyson on him.
“Thank you, I asked her to stay away from her friends and start acting like a married woman, she refused, she even gets hungover on Sunday mornings, so she does not attend church service. She totally forgets she has a husband when she is with her useless friends”
“My friends are not useless. It’s your friends that are useless”
He ignored and continues, “I want another child and I have begged her but she bluntly refused. Just yesterday I found out she has been using contraceptives. If this is not witchcraft, then what is?”
I wasn’t expecting Richard to open up that much considering he was coerced into seeing the therapist
“So I am now a witch abi? Richard, you are calling me a witch, no problem.” I said defensively
“Calm down madam and allow him talk. Remember the rules”. She motioned to Richard to continue but he was done talking.
“Please tell me what is the problem?”, She turned to me.
“Thank you but before I start let me first say, I love your shoe, is it vintage?”
“Yes ma”, she responded.
“Damn! They are so cute.”
“Thank you ma”.
“Is that your problem?” Richard asked.
“Please! Please! Please!” I gave him my palm. “Madam, this man is the most ungrateful human on the planet. I sweep, wash, cook, and make sure his daughter gets the best, yet no appreciation from him.
“He asked me to stop working in a company where I was very well paid, I did. He also asked me to quit my church and start attending his, oh I did. All he does is to go to work, come back, ask after Ire, eat, and have episodes of sex.
Now, he wants me to stop hanging out with my friends that make me happy, is that not wizardry? He also wants me to give him another child, I am sorry, I can’t, I won’t and I shan’t. Ire is enough for us, ask him when last he gave me a treat? Or is it a sin for a couple to go clubbing? Oshi.”
Lydia sighed deeply, “Sir, how did you meet your wife?”
“Well, I met her six years ago when I visited a friend. She was doing her laundry. No! The laundry was actually doing her because she was soaked from head to toe, I should have suspected.”
“You are high, it is you laundry will do”. Lydia gave me a warning stare, “please continue sir”.
“I just fell in love with her when I saw her the next day; she was filled with enthusiasm. So I inquired about her from my friend who gave me full information. The following day, I visited my friend again just so I could see her and waited for her to come out, and when she eventually did, she was wearing a white tank, joggers, and had a ponytail hair.
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“Damn, she was so pretty, I approached her and stated my intention, she amazed me that day. Unlike other girls that will stress you with phrases like ‘let me think about it or let’s be friends first’ she just said ‘ok, I will be your girl but I don’t share’ I guess she tripped for my swag as well cos I was all swagged up; it was one of the happiest days of my life.
“From then on, we Skyped, chatted, called; there was no dull moment with her. A year later, I took her on a surprised date to Tropical beach where I proposed to her. I was so happy when she said yes.”
“That would be all for today”, Lydia said. Our session was up
THE SECOND VISIT
Our journey home was quiet. Neither of us said anything to the other. The car was pregnant with silence except for the slow music emitting from the car stereo. I was still furious but deep down, I was happy with what Richard said in there. I never doubted his love for me, I was just tired of him being boring
Our next meeting was one week after. We exchanged pleasantries, then Lydia inquired about my background
“I don’t need to answer that. I don’t want to go there”
“Please Madam, it is very important,” Lydia said again.
“Fine, I am the second child of a family of three children; two girls and a boy. My father preferred my elder sister and my mum chose my younger brother – Derrick. Their reason? I was dumb; I was not academically bright. Every time, they compared me with either of them long into my adulthood.
“This had a psychological effect on me. I was the bad example and they were the good example. When I met Richard, he filled the emptiness, he saw all the positives in me. He saw my potentials and I was filled with hope. I fell in love with him and I married him.”
I had tears in my eyes and turned to Richard, “I love you so much and I hate that we’re fighting. The sole reason why I don’t want to give birth to another child is because I fear I will prefer one to the other. I don’t want to subject my child to what I experienced.”
Richard pulled me close and wipe the tears from my eyes with his palm, “It’s ok baby. I love you”
“I am sorry Mrs. Tricia but the truth is, you’re not your mother and Richard is not your father. You have gone through the trauma and you know better, so you will be an amazing mother and you will love your kids equally.”, Lydia said.
“Thank you ma”.
“Mr. Richard, you need to steal your wife back. Make her want you that she will forget her friends – go out with her. This is the compromise, spoil her with attention and gifts, then she might agree to have kids”.
“Thank you Mrs. Lydia but I don’t mind having only Ire now as long as I have my babe by my side,” He said planting a kiss on my forehead.
FOUR MONTHS LATER
We stormed Lydia’s office, she was scared. “What happened?” she asked.
“Well, I am two months pregnant! ”
She was so happy she jumped on me and hugged me tightly while Richard stood and was all smiles.
“Richard became so sweet, we hung out every weekend whenever we had the opportunity to. We still quarrel but we always have it at the back of our minds what brought us together, I started working again and I also endeavored to build my relationship with my family. My father cannot get enough of Ire, my parents also apologized to me after I mentioned to them how I felt. It feels so good to be with my wizard of a husband.” I said
“The power of compromise” Richard added. She still has witchcraft though.
We all laughed
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